Welcome to the second instalment of Done Deal. You can read part 1 here if you missed it: http://myrandommusings.blogspot.co.uk/2015/06/done-deal-part-one-beginning.html
Done Deal - Part Two: Darkness
Darkness. Complete and total darkness. She had thought she knew what darkness was, she had lived through plenty of nights. She had had no idea what darkness was until she came to this place. This was darkness like nothing she had ever imagined possible. It enveloped her completely, a sick parody of an embrace. She could feel it closing in on her like a living entity. Sometimes, she even thought she felt the rhythm of it breathing.
She had always envisioned Hell in the way she had been taught as a young child at school. Fire, brimstone, agony. A soundtrack of tormented screams playing in the background. She almost wished for that. At least with that she would know what to expect.
Physically, she was numb, she didn’t even know if she had a body anymore. Once the agony stopped, it should have brought her a measure of relief but it didn’t. The mental torture was far worse than any physical pain could have been.
Time had no meaning here. She didn’t know if she had been here a day, a month, a year. Nothing had any meaning for there was just the darkness.
In the beginning, she had tried to cry, how she needed the relief of crying, but there were no tears, nor were there any bodily secretions, no hunger or thirst. Just her disembodied thoughts, floating eternally in the darkness.
Her thoughts were a jumbled mess. Snippets of information came to her from a thousand directions. It was like watching 100 movies all at once, the images overlaying each other and the soundtrack to each fighting for her attention. It felt like everything she had ever seen or done all replaying at the same time. Everything that was, except her son. She still couldn’t picture him.
She knew how she had ended up here, knew she had saved him, but that was it. There were tiny, brief fragments where she thought she would get a glimpse of him, but when he turned around, it wasn’t him, or worse he was faceless.
* * *
He came to me. He told me there is one way I can see my son’s face again! It might be a trick. It probably is a trick, but I have to try it. I have to. It’s not something I want to do. I don’t even know if I can go through with it, but I know I have to try.
Actually, that’s a lie. I know I will do it. I don’t want to, I don’t like what I am about to go and do, but I will do it.
Before any of this happened, if someone suggested I would even consider this, I would have been disgusted, but here I am knowing I will do it.
Am I a monster? Maybe. Or maybe I’m just a mother, so desperate to see her child’s face again that I will do anything.
Or maybe the cold evil of this place has touched me. When all you see, hear, touch is darkness, maybe you become darkness.
I’m already sentenced to an eternity of damnation, it’s not like he can do anything worse to me! Oh how I will regret those words!
Had I have known what would happen, I wouldn’t have done it. I would have found the strength to say no. I wouldn’t have been selfish.
I want to think my actions where driven by love, but if I’m being honest with myself, they weren’t. They were driven by a selfish need to see my son.
It’s not like I thought I could speak to my son, hold him, tell him everything was going to be ok. It was made clear to me that I would be able to see my son, but he wouldn’t be able to see me.
Did that justify what I was about to do? I convinced myself it did.
I am a monster. The darkness has filled the void in me left by my soul being removed. I am a monster.
And now I wait. I wait for the signal it is time to go and do it.
What do I have to do?
Simple really, I have to do to someone what was done to me. I have to allow the Devil into their lives. I hope whoever I do it to makes a better decision than me.
I have to go to the operating theatre, and lay my coldness on someone. Someone having a caesarean. The cold will fill her, and her and her baby will go into cardiac arrest.
It is time.
What do you think? I hope you are enjoying the story as far! Stay tuned for part three, same time next week!
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